NURTURE YOUR RELATIONSHIPS!

“I’ll write myself a simple song

Get the whole world to sing along.

I’ll call it a love song for you…”

Cuttt!!

I woke to this song playing loud in my head. I can’t even remember the last time I heard the song, but I believe it’s for a reason. It is not related to this blog post. Well, if this happens to you, kindly let me know what you think it signifies and how you react. I mean waking up to songs playing in your head. Thank you!

So, in the last couple of weeks, I’ve heard and read about relationships (friendships and loveship) on social media- podcasts, I.G posts, sermons, and I must say- Any form of relationship is hard work.

So, I’m using this space to air my views, based on what has worked for me and what I have learnt. I personally value friendship and really, it’s not easy. Friendship is not beans. It demands effort. When people decide to stay on their own, it’s sometimes because they are drained. They don’t have the mental or emotional energy to keep dealing with people. Very relatable but naah… No one can actually do life alone. I mean you need support, you need motivation/push to achieve goals and try new things, you need a sense of belonging, you need to laugh (Like really, what’s life without humour?), you need someone to give you tissue paper when rain wants to drop from your eyes, you need prayer & study partners, you need warm hugs and a shoulder to lean on, you need connections, you need someone to rejoice with you in brokeness and abundance. Hence, friendship! The list continues…

Moving with like-minded people makes our journeys more achievable and fulfilling. Thank God for the friends we can call family. If you have them, cherish them and be true to them.

Ermm “Can two work together except they agree?” Mba!

However, challenges cannot be avoided when two or five people agree to be friends. There are levels to these things tho. Are you having battles in friendships? Below are tips that may help you out. Adopting these tips might be strange, but it would be somewhat beneficial.

• Quit passive-aggression: I used to be passive-aggressive. It’s awful; I assure you. It makes communication difficult because aggression is concealed. If you are upset with your friend, open up. Transparency and good communication help resolve friendship problems. Yeah right! It’s sometimes hard and exhausting but it’s best to speak up if you value that friendship. Speak up to prevent mental and emotional stress rather than giving a negative attitude. Sometimes we assume that our offenders already know what they did wrong without telling them, but this is not always the case. Some people may not be aware. Be upfront and direct in your approach.

• Jump on YouVersion: So, I discovered this app last year, and it has been incredibly helpful. I had to extend this to my friends. It has a variety of plans with devotionals, bible scriptures, and of course, a comment section. I love love eet. Give it a shot. Drag your friend(s) to this app and have a great time. You can build a community there. It makes a bond stronger. Heyyy, it’s very nice for couples/ intending couples too. Naah, don’t thank me. It’s fine. Don’t mention.

• Share Information/Knowledge: This seems little but it ain’t little. Make it a habit to share any information that would help your friend. It could be a piece of information that has to do with your friend’s field, a job vacancy, a webinar, new music, a movie, a recorded sermon; It shows thoughtfulness. Anything that would benefit your friend, share! Be intentional about it. Yes, share funny reels too.

Do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others. Philippians 2:4 Amp

• If you can, be a pillar of strength to your friend’s weakness: You have watched “Gangs of Lagos” yeah? If Obalola followed Ify to the barber’s shop, perhaps Ify wouldn’t have died. Obalola went to stay with Obinrin and those dudes finished Ify. Anyways, na script. Na film. But you gerrit yeah? Encourage your friends who share similar interests or abilities. If you're more skilled in that area, assist them in growing. Shun competition. Also, don't be proud to learn from your friend. 

• Remind and push them to their goals: I remember waking up to messages like “Glory, how far your this, how far your that? Don’t forget to do this. Time is going...” Like really, you thought of me this early morning. So sweet! Just as you press toward your goal(s), it will be nice to extend that intentionality to your loved ones too. I think it's not a bad idea for friends to be accountable to each other. It's cute, I guess.

• Respect boundaries: One intriguing part of friendship is that you and your friends are not the same. In this regard, it's important to respect your differences. Know their values and don't cross boundaries. Don't engage in a habit that your friend dislikes. Know your place in people's lives so that you don't "over-do". Respect energy, emotions, and decisions.

• Communicate frequently: Even if it's not daily, check in on your loved ones.  So many things take our time. Let your loved ones be part of the list. Don’t remember them only when you need help. Nobody is too busy. It’s just a matter of priorities. Make an effort to reach out. A short message could have a big impact. Share life happenings(good and bad), give updates, send pictures, spend time together when you can. If you have the means, surprise your friend(s) with gifts; no matter how little. It could be bread, fufu, slippers, shoe, anything... 

• Cultivate Emotional Maturity: Emotions steer us in many directions and sometimes we lose guard. It’s fine. Thank God for access. We can always approach the throne of grace and mercy with humility and tell God to help us mature emotionally. Life should not always be about you. Be sensitive to your friend's feelings. Make room for excesses, build tolerance, apologize for peace's sake, and abstain from malice. 

• Be honest and open to corrections: I recall how some of us back then would see a guy or a lady majestically dressed in rioting colours or shaming themselves on Nigerian Idols and we would be like “Omo! This person doesn't have good friends to tell him or her the truth ‘cause warrizdiz?” Be honest with your friends. Give and accept constructive criticism, unlearn and relearn, be open-minded, and try to work on yourself from filtered pieces of advice. It is easy to maintain a friendship if your friends are not afraid to tell you the truth. Hold on to people that contribute positively to your life. They are difficult to come by.

Oil and perfume make the heart glad; So does the sweetness of a friend’s counsel that comes from the heart. Proverbs 27:9

• Be a real confidant: Be a go-to friend and keep your friends' flaws and secrets from others. 

Photo credit: Pinterest

Maintaining friendship shouldn’t be a one-way thing. If the other party isn’t trying at all, then maybe the friendship isn’t worth keeping. Also, everyone deserves a second chance. Be wise! Be intentional! Nurture relationships. 

NB: The man of too many friends [chosen indiscriminately] will be broken in pieces and come to ruin, But there is a [true, loving] friend who [is reliable and] sticks closer than a brother.

The post below by Ebele blessed me. 

Phew! I'll stop here. Thanks for reading. If you know more tips for maintaining friendships, please share them in the comment section. It will benefit someone.

It's not too late to welcome to you my birth month. Awa'n sare ju Ferrari lo.  Much love!